I’m sick of my anxiety. I mean, i don’t like to classify myself as someone that has anxiety. I’m not diagnosed with it, and i know how hard it is for people that really truly suffer it. My little problems with it may just be petty but they really do take a toll on how i feel and how i present myself. I’m sick of caring about what everyone thinks. I am literally so afraid to be myself anymore. I try and i try. I want to be myself. But i’m just so scared of what people think of me. It’s so hard for me this year because i have to take a communications class. I have to get up in front of the class and present stuff almost every day. It literally kills me because i go up there and i just panic. My whole body shakes, i can’t stop moving, i have a hard time looking at people, and my voice shakes. Overall, i just look like a crazy person that’s going to start crying or have some sort of mental breakdown. I’m not going to cry, i’m just so fucking nervous to get up in front of people. I’ve always had low self-esteem and no confidence. I am never confident in anything i do, especially in school. I could know anything i need to know about whatever i need to talk about, and i’ll always second guess it. I always feel like there’s someone in the class going ‘She’s so dumb.’ ‘That’s not right’ ‘She just looks hideous.’ ‘What is she doing up there?’ I hate attention so much, so being in a communications class is not easy for me. I always have people come up to me and say that i looked so nervous and that i was shaking. I don’t even know i’m doing it while i’m up there. It’s so fucking embarrassing and i’m sick of it. I’ve always gotten nervous, but it’s like for some reason this school year has been worse. I don’t know if it’s because my self-esteem is getting worse or what the hell is happening. I’ve never had people come up to after a presentation and literally ask if i’m okay. I don’t want to do this anymore.

I look about five.. -_- ohhwell, kitty kat’s cute. :3